dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
