Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
