If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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