Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
