So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
