I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
