Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
