Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
