So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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