Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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