Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
