I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
