I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
