I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sext me about skeletons
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
