Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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