there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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