I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
