Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
