I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
