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I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
