Already got asked if we're dating
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
