I looked at my own cervix.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
