He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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