Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
