So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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