do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
