i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
