p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
