my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity