I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?