If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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