Soap is not a condiment
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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