I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's get the cat blown out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.