hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
