How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
