Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
