So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
