my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
