I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
