dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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