you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
