where am i from again
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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