I think my vagina is haunted
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
