So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
