he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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