then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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