If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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