dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
