I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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