i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
