any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
