so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
