I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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