"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
