ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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