If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
