So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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