dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
