Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
