This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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