Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
