I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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