if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize