I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
