If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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