3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
