omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
