My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize