I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
a search helicopter?!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
