somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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