I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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