dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
