we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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