Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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